How my sexual confidence was revived!
I had been completely broken after my last relationship, frayed nervous system from 7 years of gaslighting and emotional abuse. I was seeking love but too afraid to seek a relationship. Somehow the universe brought Travis (who I dated before the 7 year emotionally abusive guy) back into my life. His empathetic nature and sensitive communication style had- in my younger, more naive years- seemed less masculine to me.
Once we started hanging out as friends, everything was platonic for us… for a few months… but one night when I was driving him home in my van, he asked if we could pull over to view the city across puget sound.
“It’s beautiful…” I fantasized, not knowing what to expect next.
“Yea, sometimes I walk down here just to look at it, a lot of people who live here never take the time…”
We sat in silence, admiring the Seattle skyline at night. I low-key didn’t want that moment to end, as that tightness in my chest would return shortly after I would drop him off….
“Wanna lay in the back?” He asked.
I paused… my ex boyfriend is… making a move on me? I would be lying to myself if I didn’t say i wanted to…
“Yes… let’s “ I smiled awkwardly. Pleased at the idea of connecting.
We laid next to each other on our backs, on top of the blankets, fully clothed… talking for a long time, I could talk about anything forever with him… eventually we laid on our sides facing each other.
I wondered where this was going… but I felt safe. We scooted closer together, until our legs were wrapped around each other.
“Want to be the little spoon?” Travis asked
I secretly wanted to, and didn’t want to say no. I nodded and turned over, nuzzling my body back up into his. He wrapped his huge warm arm around me, and I reciprocated by grasping onto his forearms with my little hands.
The hours of the night blurred together like that, blissful cuddling heaven. At one point, he reached his large hand down and cupped my vulva softly, like a peaceful sensual hug. For a split second I was worried things might be moving too fast. But his tenderness comforted me, and we laid like that until we fell asleep together for the first time in 8 years, in the back of my van.
That soft touch- his hand putting a light pressure on the outside of my pussy through my clothes, felt comforting. I knew he wasn’t going to push things beyond my comfort, and I felt safe in his arms.
When a guy goes immediately for my clit with no warm up or foreplay, it totally turns me off and puts me into a negative mind space, that is very hard to push past in order to enjoy the sex.
Travis did not do that, he warmed up to me and gained my erotic trust. We have a bond now that is continuously understanding and very sex-positive!
I truly thought this was not possible in a relationship, I thought every guy would want to push my limits to please their fast-paced fast cumming sex agenda… to pound hard and fast and talk dirty to my before warming me up… but the kinder way turned out to me bore sensual and erotic to me. We do dirty talk once things get steamier and steamier while we are fucking, of course!
What do you think about all this? What’s your sexual style?
*Kristy Jessica
English