• Pleasure Matters

    Pleasure Matters

    If she says she wants her clit sucked, do it damnit!

       

         The female clitoris is an organ that was specifically designed for pleasure. Through self discovery, I have mastered its unique ways to bring myself to climax- such a beautifully intense feeling. Yet, there are so many times during sex that my clitoris has been completely ignored in favor of a throbbing, punishing cock. Not that I don’t enjoy penetration, I do, but when it’s obvious that my pleasure is being ignored and sacrificed completely so that my partner can have the most enjoyable possible experience instead, it’s a bit numbing. This has been “the way” with a majority of my past relationships. 

    Photo by Travis

         My first boyfriend and I had a very erotic relationship. I was so  horny for him! We would even have phone sex and masturbate when we couldn’t be together in person. I was so open with him. But there were many things he did that hurt me sexually and emotionally.

         “What feels better, when I am inside you, or outside rubbing your clit?” He asked playfully, just after we both brought ourselves to climax over the phone, talking dirty and going into raunchy details to turn each other on…. Of course, I was rubbing my clit during that play session, I may have been biased… however I truthfully answered. “Oh, outside!” … there was an awkward pause…

    “What…” the joy left his voice… 

    Photo by Travis

         The joyful connection we had wavered. “You don’t like my cock inside you the most? How could you say that!? You’re my girlfriend aren’t you?” His voice was harsh and demanding.

         The most vulnerable sexual moment I was sharing suddenly was ripped away from me, I was afraid for the first time. I felt I needed to fix the situation by changing the answer to something that would please him instead… but I didn’t want to lie.

         Unfortunately, his inability to listen became a hallmark of our relationship. He performed acts on me that I later learned he picked up from watching extreme pornos, assuming I would like it, and I would feel forced into thanking him and flattering his actions, though I secretly wished I could feel safe in truly asking for what would make me cum. So I faked orgasms to please him. I never forgot that time I answered truthfully for him, and was shamed for it. 

    erotic selfie

       These cock-pounding exes did have moments where they seemed to care about my orgasm, and were successful from time to time. Spending several minutes performing oral on me… however the amount of effort and time it takes to bring me to that state of ecstasy often gave me guilt for “making them try so hard”. When they seem to be able to finish so easily most of the time, I feel it was unfair to make the extra effort to give me an orgasm. This wasn’t 100% of experiences, but more often than not, especially after the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship had passed. 

    Photo by Black Label Magazine

         Over time and many years with different relationships, one after the other overpowering my will to state what kind of touch truly beings me the best pleasure, and deferring to their own “tried and true” methods of sex, I began to subconsciously accept the fact that my purpose as a woman was to bring my man pleasure, and any orgasms I might get lucky with were just extra credit to be thankful for. Sexual scraps. This dynamic bled out into other areas of those relationships. I swallowed all the pain and it became a massive resentment. Still, I tried often to be the best sexy minx to please my man that I possibly could. 

    Photo by Lucy Magdalene

         Finally, there was a mentality shift within me, that was gifted to me at a certain special moment. Guilt and fear of a painful experience has subconsciously trained me to put up an emotional wall, which numbs out my genitals. I needed to let that wall be overtaken, but it would not be possible with a “my way or the highway” type alpha dude, like many from my past. I needed to fully trust my partner to care for me, so I wouldn’t be afraid to give suggestions on the way I want to be touched. 

         I will share about that special moment in my next blog post, stay tuned!!! 

    * Kristy Jessica

    XoXo

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