Reclaiming my body from the patriarchy… from controlling boyfriends, a strict father, an oppressive religion….
It’s taken me about 35 years to start feeling the power of my own sexuality- something I can cherish and enjoy for myself, not something that is “the property of” a man, or a “temple” belonging to some fear-mongering sky daddy. I don’t owe any modesty to my father. I am not a used up piece of chewing gum or a soda that multiple men have sipped from. I am my own, I am a human being, and I have every right to experience pleasure. I replenish my own energy, I am not a withering flower. I am a roaring river the flows and trickles, rages and falls, wets and reflects.
What has changed that has allowed me to step into my own feminine power? I have eradicated any religious influence or controlling men from my life. It’s taken decades after escaping the organized religion I was born into, to finally free the mental chains they had ingrained in me. A male pastor excommunicated my mother when I was only 10 years old, after my father threw her under the bus (perverbially). This harsh action was supposed to set an example for our community that divorce was unacceptable. According to the Bible, the woman is the property and servant of her husband, and divorce is not allowed. But I was happy my mom and dad separated. It was a household full of scolding, strict rules, and my mom caught the brunt of it often. I saw her cry a few times when I was very young, I didn’t understand it back then, but I do now.
It took several years in abusive relationships for me to understand I have an anxious attachment style as a result of my relationship with my father. I am now happily with someone now who does not perform aggression against me. The high highs and low low of previous partners were a broken record on repeat, subconsciously I danced that same painful old dance until my hear nearly spun off. That record has finally been discarded, and I dance to a new tune now, a much more empowering and empathetic melody.
My sexual nature is finally cherished and respected, not shunned and scolded. Creating erotic content with my partner is a new joy I have found love and desire in, it validates my own inner exhibitionist when he strokes my nude body on film. We have a trust as sturdy as steel, and a fiery passion that leaves no room for jealousy. I am happy to share my explicit sensuality with him alongside me as my biggest cheerleader.
I have ended the toxic cycle of controlling men, I have exited the walls of traditional society and created my own world of feminine erotic beauty and body confidence. I have kung-fu’d the oppression of patriarchal society and used its will to dominate me against itself, and I have won! I write my own rules, I set my own boundaries, I create my own schedule, and I am the master of my life 🙂 I am happy to share my soul and body here with you as a way to express my pure joy in living creatively, finally, in this world!