Or am I just finally loving myself? My guilt complex confuses me….

 "Vanity is a sin…" I stared deeply into my own eyes… wondering why I was enjoying it. Do I enjoy being a sinner? Do I deserve to go to hell?

Image by Duy Ho

My 16 year old brain felt stretched thin between what I what had been conditioned to believe, and how I felt deep down… in my heart? In my gut? I don’t even know… but suddenly as I sit there on the floor, crouched against my mirrored closet doors, I felt that if vanity was a sin I could risk going to hell for… maybe it was worth it. I just had some fire inside me that I was forbidden to express. Soul-torture.

Image by Stan Trampe

This experience has been burned into my memory… I had a mental conversation with myself at age 16, and struggled with the concept of vanity & sinfulness… why would God give me horny hormones and beauty if I were not meant to somehow express it? Was I truly satanic in my core? I suppose I am…

At least… I am glad I am NOW!! HA!



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