When your boyfriend doesn’t trust you…
“Kristy, tell me the TRUTH… I can tell if you’re bullshitting me!” It was a sunny Monday afternoon in San Diego, and I was running errands before rush hour. It’s pretty cool being able to make my own schedule around traffic patterns, as a freelancer. I never kept secrets from my boyfriend, but I was concerned that he felt the need to challenge me like this over the phone suddenly.
“Um… what’s up?” I responded, perplexed.
“My buddy Jimmy just called me because he saw you doing erotic shit on TV, on some Playboy channel!”
“Oh yeah!” I started to remind him, but was -per usual- cut short.
“I can’t believe it! Every woman I ever date always disrespects me eventually! So what are you doing on there? HUH?! Some masturbation with toys that you’re not telling me about?!” His tone was very cruel and loud. I had told him months prior that I was contacted by Playboy to model for their “Playboy Selfies” TV series.
At the time, I thought it was a scam since they asked me to send in cell phone videos and selfies, but the check was sent to me later, and apparently it was published and in rotation! I was a little surprised that Playboy TV didn’t notify me of when I would be aired, and a bit disheartened that my significant other (at the time, not my current relationship) seemed to be upset about it.
“But… I told you 3 months-“
“I can see right through your bullshit, Kristy! I don’t have the time or patience for this right now. We’ll talk about it when you come over for dinner. You’re not going to back out of our dinner plans now are you?”
“…No…” I sheepishly responded. Not wanting to make him more upset. He hung up.
*A few hours later, at his house*
Tungsten tone light reflected off the corners of the clear water glasses, four ice cubes for him, no ice cubes for me. In an attempt not to appear nervous or confrontational, I just stared at the flickering light on the those glasses. Moments went by as I hungrily awaited the food he was setting up at our table. “So my old college buddy Jimmy from San Diego State gave me an alarming call today.” He matter of factly stated, as if he were reciting some doomsday declaration. “Said he was having’ a good ole’ time whacking off, as single bachelor dudes like Jimmy do, when suddenly you came onto the screen and he recognized you as MY girl, so like the good friend Jimmy is, he gave me a call to let me know about it. Do you know how embarrassing this is?”
“It was on Playboy TV” I attempted to reply in confidence, but felt my body shift backwards and shrink back a tiny bit.
“I don’t give a shit if it was on tin-buck-two TV!” His quick witted words always stamped me out. “I just don’t wanna get that call that my girl is messing around behind my back!”
I moved away from all my friends and family to be near this man in Southern California, and I was trying to make it as a nude glamour model. I couldn’t believe he was accusing me of ‘disrespecting’ him. Somehow I magically mustered the confidence to properly stick up for myself. “Remember a few months ago when I told you I got that inquiry for Playboy Selfies TV and they asked me to submit cell phone videos and selfies? And I thought it was probably a scam but I submitted anyway? That’s what this was! Playboy doesn’t do pornographic content-“
“Respectfully” he interrupted me again, “You were looking into the camera and saying stuff like ‘does my pussy look tight to you’? You don’t call that pornographic?”
I understood a little why he was being so judgmental, but he already knew about and had seen my open leg modeling and erotic content across the internet for years, since we first started dating. “It’s CONTENT.” I stated. “For Playboy! You should be proud of me!” He just stared with motionless eyes at me. I tried to stare back, but relented and moved my gaze to the somewhat more peaceful flickering yellow light on the corners of the clear water glasses.
*Fast forward one month into the future.*
Another sunny day in San Diego, the two of us had walked down to the waterfront to meet up with another one of his friends, they were going to go surfing. I hadn’t met his friend before. “Cool so what do you guys do out here?” His friend casually maintained the conversation, beyond the nice weather we were having.
“Oh you know, just livin’ life bro, got my hot model girlfriend here, ya know what’I’m say’n?” He gestured towards me, in my little pink bikini.
“Oh yeah? Modelin’ huh?” His friend looked me up and down for a moment. I smiled, with sunglasses on, he couldn’t see my eyes.
“She was just on Playboy TV!” My *at the time* boyfriend boasted. I was a little perplexed, because he had recently exclaimed how much he was ashamed of my Playboy TV feature.
“Sweet!” His friend gave him a high five. “Let’s catch some waves!”
I wasn’t surfing, so I just chilled alone on my beach towel. Catching those San Diego sun rays that everyone seemed to be so addicted to. I wanted to go home.
Thanks for reading!
*Kristy Jessica
English